Communication

Have you ever noticed that we tend to “have a story running in our head”? What I mean by that phrase is you see a situation and thoughts immediately begin to accumulate and synopsis is formed and then a declaration (or really an assumption) and that’s the story and therefore that’s the way it is. Then often times later, you find out the story running in your head wasn’t really … well reality.

Recently on a much needed vacation trip with my husband, we encountered this. While riding bikes, touring the island, we decided to stop and take a break, sightsee and of course people watch! We stopped in a local park area alongside the beach. We noticed an older couple perusing the area that bordered the water and boardwalk. They two were equipped with determination, hats and sunglasses, pen and paper, measuring tapes and surveying. The woman finger pointed, directed to what appeared to be marking out the area. The two were doing this with great interest and much conversation.

And my husband and I were also watching with great interest and much conversation.

Being on the island, sea, and surf, my husband and I quickly assumed several scenarios, most of which would probably not include us and/or would require us to leave our little sanctuary. Perhaps save the turtles? Or another endangered species? Or ? My husband, a veterinarian, decided that he was going to ask what they were doing and why. Well much to our surprise they said “o we are marking off spacing for booths for our shrimp festival on Saturday!” “Ya’ll have to come join us, there will be shrimp prepared in every way imaginable. There will be so much food and drink, music, arts and crafts, jewelry etc. It’s so much fun, please come.”

Hmm… what we assumed was going to be restrictive; restrictive in our play, our sightseeing, our vacation, we were now encouraged, invited, and included in the upcoming festivities!

All because of a simple question. And to think, had my husband not asked, we would have probably left there, unknowing, assuming and a little perturbed!

Have you ever “ran with your story”? Only to find out that you jumped to conclusions? You assumed too quickly? And had you asked a simple question or two, a totally different “story” appears.

Communication problems often occur because we “run with our story.” We don’t stop to ask. We don’t stop to ask the other person to clarify or to elaborate or what do you mean. As a counselor I often will ask clients one of my favorite statements (which is really turns into more questions) is “tell me more.” In other words, tell me more so that I can stop my story from running. Tell me more so that clarification and understanding can be achieved. I want to make sure I have heard you and then understood you.

Try it! The next time, which will probably be pretty soon, you find yourself “running with your own story” – Stop and ask. Stop and say “tell me more.” And see how the story changes